A Loving DAD

           I felt him tightened his grip on my tiny arms. I heard the loudest anger in his silence as we trek the road back to Uncle’s house in the city.  He didn’t talk for what had been the longest two hours in my life. I felt his regret in taking me to that audition.

(because I ran outside and hid in a garbage can for the entire duration of the audition leaving him fearing for my safety for so many hours  while I selfishly took no consideration about how he’d feel losing me in the middle of city)

          For the remaining days of his life, I failed to fulfill his wish to see me perform on stage...and this is how I fondly remember him, the man who loved me so much, the man I failed. 

           Most of us, think of the dead ones as dead forever and had to be left in peace wherever they are, and I agree. In fact, I thought for a year or so that his frustrations of me went with him when he died, but I was wrong. It still linger in the air these days along with his loving memory. 


          As the years went by, I felt more longing to fulfill his dreams for me. I must admit, I realized after all, those wish and dreams were not for HIM but for ME. It never went away with his passing. I still wish that one day I could make him happy and proud. 


          It would be a little too late, but I know it won’t matter as long as I strive to reciprocate that love, that unconditional love of a father that I misunderstood for so long.

To recall......

-I did not understand why he had to force me practice my piece.

(because he wants me to improve my craft and be somebody someday)

-I did not know why he tightened that grip in my arms to the point of hurting me. I thought he was mad at me.

(because he was afraid, so afraid of the thoughts of losing me. He does not want to lose me again not ever just like that two-hour lull he had been looking for me everywhere)

-I did not understand why he had to tell everyone about my achievement no matter how small....and Instead of being thankful of having a proud father, I always walk away showing him my embarrassment.

(because he wants to show me that he is proud of even the smallest achievement I have)

- I don’t understand why he speaks English to my friends and sound boastful of his own achievements.

(because he wants to show my friends  that I have a smart dad)

And now that he's gone, there is nothing more I can wish for…but to make him happy and to make him feel that I am thankful of what he had been to me.

         So to all of you who still have your Dads beside you, think twice and try to open your eyes to all the things that he does for you. He will not be here forever. Time is fast and fleeting. Before you know it,  it's already late to realize that indeed you have a LOVING DAD.