Thoughts of a Nomad

.....and she said " I don't wanna go back to them, they always quarrel, shouting at each other each time and they spank me a lot of times".


Her aunt listening to her felt the innocent rebellion of this little girl. Just turned 5 and barely K2 but has so much to offer. It made her Aunt realized that life is not about being adult but as a human being susceptible to any form of violence and restlessness of this world.


Our society's basic unit, the FAMILY often neglect what the children has to say about things. Parents neglect to see how they feel about each violence that the adults have mastered overtime, they neglect the fact that by doing so they have corrupted young minds that are about to bloom creating their own perception of the world by their own visual experience. What the children see is what they get and what they see is what they are going to believe in and will mold their lives as they grow up.


....and she added " I miss my Mom, I'm afraid for her, she is alone now but even then I still don't wanna go back. I like it here, more....".


Her inclination to avoid what's harsh is an early recognition of  this endless and painful reality of life and how to cope with each unpleasant experience. She just wanted to go away and live in peace with her Aunt who is cool, calm, and single at 47. Her parents are too weak to defend her innocence, too selfish to think of their own feelings and their own desire to express dissatisfaction over their unhealthy relationship. How could that be? She didn't choose to be here but was brought here by parents who are too irresponsible to see what lies ahead. Now she is bearing the fruit of her parent's carelessness. For sure, she longs for a motherly hug or a fatherly cuddle but that didn't stop her from wanting her own peace. Too sad that she can only get it outside of what she could have called her FAMILY.


I could not tell you how sad I am in writing this, because I am her Mother....and I am dumb.

HURTING BUT DEFINITELY GOING

I'm hurting, and the hurdles of this pain seem to crample me into pieces. I have heard the loudest and perhaps the most shrilling shout of my wounded heart. This has never happened to me, ever. This is shocking  and it is hard to accept the reason why I'm hurting. 


For a long time, I thought I could dictate my destiny; running from chances of being hurt and evading what sounds creepy to me. In the process, I failed to fight for the ones that are truly deserving and picked up myself with the one whom I realized the most undeserving of all. I was not expecting this pain. I thought he is just someone I can be with for the rest of the journey, and attachment to him would not be necessary. To my own definition of this trip with him before we started, he is just going to be someone I can cry on and ask for help when there would be odds and danger along the way. All the while I thought that we can discard each other with ease and comfort as we come to the crossroads of our lives when he needs to leave or when I need to leave. 


As our journey continued, I did not notice any small path that could lead him astray. I left him just a three steps back and when I looked back he was gone. I turned around and went back for him to check how he'd been, and what caused him to stay a little bit in that place. It was horrible to discover that the path was indeed much attractive than the path we could be heading to. It was tempting to stay and argue and convince him that what's ahead is far better than this path; but cowardice whispered quickly, issuing more risk in staying. So I decided not to scrutinize anymore. I picked up my bag and hastily moved on according to plans, feeling deserted and abandoned.


I am afraid, very much scared today, but I have no choice. I suddenly thought of the ones I left before. Could they still be with me now if I have chosen to stay and give them more time to decide whether they will join in this journey? I'm thinking maybe if they have decided, they could have been more responsible in keeping their promise to be with me, even if this would turn out to be an endless journey. 


I regret the day when I decided to turn my back on them and instead pick up somebody along the road. I thought that move was easier then. I did not expect that as the road becomes tougher, the one I chose switched direction and look for an alternative route, a different route perhaps to arrive to his own destiny. I never realized that we never share the same destiny, that he will never understand what it means to travel with me, and that he will turn out weaker than me. 


Obviously, he has some moments of fear. I could not blame him for what he has done. He could have different fears inside. He might have different ways to make things happen and he could have other thoughts and plans on how destiny should and could happen. 


Apparently, I can hear him shouting for my name, looking for me, catching up with my pace, but it would be too late to catch up as I have doubled up my steps so I can't hear his voice. For me his voice issues a warning. He could still be having personal doubts and uncertainty inside. His fear of losing me in this road could be temporary, and I'm afraid that he will fall astray again. If I'll wait for him, that could be a completely wrong decision. So I will let him travel on his own toward his destiny and make him realize who then is he yearning for to be with him. If he realized that it's me after all, then he'll have to figure out his way to me.I'm not going back and I'm not pausing a bit. It's too dangerous to have an overnight stay in an unfamiliar territory.  He could be lucky if we'll see each other in the next crossroads, but I am not expecting him to be there and I am not even wishing for him to be there. Now, I am on my own, planning and shaping this journey and will be thankful if sooner I will get used to being alone and finish the line with great pride and joy. 

Amazing Love

I'm too sure you came across this one amazing story about a mother's love for her son. 

         She was found dead while protecting her 3 months old son, wrapping him with cloth and embracing him tightly to save him from the devastating earthquake...With this sacrifice was a touching text message recovered from a cellphone that she also wrapped along with her son. It read "If you can survive, u must remember that I love you".

        Several months after the incident, there were other versions that came out changing some details of the story such as the age of the baby, that the baby actually died along with her, and so on and on... but the morale remains strong. The only thing that can't be edited in each version ..it was that pure and unconditional love of a mother that proved true until the day she died.

Indeed, this is a very touching story. However, it did not come as a surprise to me at all. As a Mom, I would be inclined to do the same thing given the same circumstances. I would like to believe that as a daughter, my own mother would do the same in protecting me. This might be too awesome  to those who have not realized yet what have mothers' sacrificed and what they're willing to sacrifice for their children. I should say, I only realized this when I too become a mom. 

When I gave birth to Georgia, I suddenly have a bird's eye-view of how my mother felt for me and how intense was her love for all of us her children. She must have cried a river worrying about our safety and must have spent endless nights praying about what the future could be for all of us, as we first took our own way to independence. So what that woman did was nothing extraordinary if we are completely aware that MOTHERS should be as sacrificial as her.But what made it extraordinary was the thought that in this age and time, it will be so hard to find women who embody the true  essence of the word.

Thanks to women like her, they motivate mothers to be true to their role and inspire them to dedicate their life for the betterment of their children.

As for me, words can never describe how unconditional the late Ana Vallar Cena was. 

This article is dedicated to her and all the mothers in this world whom in their hearts sure to deliver the message " If you can survive, u must remember that I love you" even if it would be more sacrificial than what the woman did.

Author's note: Picture was downloaded from fb

LET IT GO

Some of us have tendencies to beg people to stay...When we beg, we let them feel they have the power to control our lives. With that they tend to abuse the situation of giving us more pain and they take glory and pride over our heartaches. So it is best not to show how we feel about things. Always coat your miseries with grace and confidence. Let's not fail to shelter our broken selves with a tent of leniency, at the same time an invincible shield of emotional strength.


Think of this all the time....


The right man won't hurt you.
The right man values your existence and never take you for granted.
The right man always think about your relationship and how to make it better.
The right man thinks about how he can make you feel he is the one.
The right man desires to do what makes you recognize him in this new lifetime.
The right man does not lose that connection that was there the first time you met him.
The right man brings GOD inside your relationship because he too knows that the one behind each destiny of meeting you again is GOD.
The right man stays and will stay forever.
The right man will only say goodbye in death and not by cheat.
The right man embodies life not just love.
The right man makes sure you belong.


So finally, let me share to you one article I so love to read.


LET IT GO!

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk  away from you: let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.  Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for
us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 J ohn 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.  And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you  something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm  faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.  And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong  to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and
see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you! u have a bad attitude.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take  you to a new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken  relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try  to help themselves......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself  and God is saying "take your hands off of it,"   then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.  GOD is doing a new thing NOW  !!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left  .. think about it, and then .

LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

A Loving DAD

           I felt him tightened his grip on my tiny arms. I heard the loudest anger in his silence as we trek the road back to Uncle’s house in the city.  He didn’t talk for what had been the longest two hours in my life. I felt his regret in taking me to that audition.

(because I ran outside and hid in a garbage can for the entire duration of the audition leaving him fearing for my safety for so many hours  while I selfishly took no consideration about how he’d feel losing me in the middle of city)

          For the remaining days of his life, I failed to fulfill his wish to see me perform on stage...and this is how I fondly remember him, the man who loved me so much, the man I failed. 

           Most of us, think of the dead ones as dead forever and had to be left in peace wherever they are, and I agree. In fact, I thought for a year or so that his frustrations of me went with him when he died, but I was wrong. It still linger in the air these days along with his loving memory. 


          As the years went by, I felt more longing to fulfill his dreams for me. I must admit, I realized after all, those wish and dreams were not for HIM but for ME. It never went away with his passing. I still wish that one day I could make him happy and proud. 


          It would be a little too late, but I know it won’t matter as long as I strive to reciprocate that love, that unconditional love of a father that I misunderstood for so long.

To recall......

-I did not understand why he had to force me practice my piece.

(because he wants me to improve my craft and be somebody someday)

-I did not know why he tightened that grip in my arms to the point of hurting me. I thought he was mad at me.

(because he was afraid, so afraid of the thoughts of losing me. He does not want to lose me again not ever just like that two-hour lull he had been looking for me everywhere)

-I did not understand why he had to tell everyone about my achievement no matter how small....and Instead of being thankful of having a proud father, I always walk away showing him my embarrassment.

(because he wants to show me that he is proud of even the smallest achievement I have)

- I don’t understand why he speaks English to my friends and sound boastful of his own achievements.

(because he wants to show my friends  that I have a smart dad)

And now that he's gone, there is nothing more I can wish for…but to make him happy and to make him feel that I am thankful of what he had been to me.

         So to all of you who still have your Dads beside you, think twice and try to open your eyes to all the things that he does for you. He will not be here forever. Time is fast and fleeting. Before you know it,  it's already late to realize that indeed you have a LOVING DAD.

Destiny at a Glance

                   "Am sure even when the Earth explodes and breaks into ultra tiny pieces, fate will still bring every bit of you here at my side as how destiny brought you all over and over again in so many lifetimes...and in my own De' javu I seemed to always recognize you." - Franca Caro

       Do you believe in destiny?

       Do you believe that everything about love in this  world is pre-destined and repetitive in a way? That each person has that special half meant for him and is destined to be with him in so many lifetime?

       Have you ever felt that this person has been with you for so long even on the first day you were introduced? and even in that instance of just knowing each other, you know that he is the one?

             If your answer to all of these questions is YES then we share the same feeling that if the person is meant for you, he will always be for you till the end... and if there is no end to everything, then he will be with you in so many countless lifetimes.

       The uncertainty in this world is countered by the fact that everything about love is constant; and it will come to you in different sequence of event.  Knowing that who is meant for you will be for YOU, then relationships therefore are all worth trying, giving yourself a chance at LOVE. 


        If reincarnation is true, then that person will endlessly travel back to you or you to him in this world of countless lifetimes. So it is safe to let go of those who want to say goodbye as well as give chance to those who want to love you and get to know you in the recognition process called LOVE. 


        There might be no exact pattern to this process, but giving love after love a chance will finally lead the two of you in each others arms.

      Though fate sometimes plays wicked and cruel, it might corrupt an individual's desire to love again, but grace yourself with hope that someday if not in this lifetime, definitely in the next....you will be together once more.